Dilemma basics

Everyone does it. Corporate Executives do it for money, Politicians do it for power, and Artists do it....for free. Communicate that is. Blogging exists, so we can express our dirty laundry, because out in this whole-wide bit universe there might be someone who wants to read, hear, watch what we gotta say.

It's ego-gratification. Why else would we sit down and write and post it on the Web? The same is true for standup comedy and for other performance art. As a standup comic, I perform in bars, cafes, restaurants so I can get attention and get validated in my existence. For bigger shows, I get paid paltry sums. Contrary to public opinion, there is no sex or drugs that follow, at least not for free that is! Besides I am married with a kid. We married people don't do such things. Just look at Bill Clinton. He didn't have sex, depending on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

Here's an excerpt from the depressing world of ShowBiz:

Here's me talking informally to the audience after a big show, when the show host interrupts:

ME: blah-blah-blah
HOST: Hey good show. The previous host used to pay 20 bucks for the performance, but I don't do that.

Suddenly there is uncomfortable silence...I feel the sweat on my forehead.

ME: But the club owner said I'll get paid
HOST: He did?
ME: He said don't leave yet
HOST: Fuck! Let me find out.

He leaves and I try and reclaim my audience unsuccessfully

ME: Now you see how hard we work for our 20 bucks
AUDIENCE MEMBER: They won't pay you?
ME: Well, they will, I just have to work at it
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Ummm....gotta go

Everyone leaves, and the Host returns

HOST: You gotta job right?
ME: Yes
HOST: See I don't, I need the money to pay the rent, you have money
ME: Well, I work part-time, I need to get paid

The host pays me as if I am downright throwing him into homelessness.

All this over 20 dollars in an area where the median home price is now over $600,000. I don't need the 20 (my part-time Corporate job pays very well), but I don't want to give it away for free. Yes I am a whore, a cheap whore, doing it for all of 20 dollars. Later I need a shower.

I got home that night after the show, had a restless sleep, and the next night I was back doing another show. By the time Monday comes, I will have burnt 3 evenings away from the family and then put in a full day at a Corporate job where I have respect, structure, and I get paid without asking. What is wrong with me?